'Bout to make ya Brain split

Kids in Marsh are hella sketch.

I want what everyone else around me has. I need some human interaction greater than just talking to all of these fucking jerkoffs at school. I am so fucking sick and tired of not being cared for. I feel so unwanted and pathetic. I don’t understand. I just don’t. Why do all the assholes get great girls? Nice guys do finish last. I don’t want to be a fucking nice guy anymore, maybe I should just start being a total dick and not caring about anybody. But I can’t. Goddamnit I’m too lonely. I need someone to care about, and I need someone to care about me, and I also need someone to kiss, feel up, finger, get head from, eat out, and fuck. I’ve got blue balls so bad there isn’t even an analogy to describe it. It isn’t normal for a 17 year old to be as sexually naive as I am. I’m so embarassed and unconfident. And that lack of confidence just furthers my lack of chances with girls. That, and I don’t know where or how to start a relationship with anyone. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I’m just completely and utterly 100% unattractive; unlovable. Who fucking cares. Good fucking god I can’t believe I’ve reduced myself to ranting on tumblr to practice catharsis. I hate everything.

I fucking hate this. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Somebody please just fucking kill me.

On 8 hydro 7.5’s and just dropped 3 hits of acid 25 minutes ago, with one more standing by :DDDDDD I am high as fuck waiting for the cid to kick in. I haven’t slept in like 27 hours, and by the looks of it I won’t be sleeping again tonight :))))) goddamn I can’t wait haaaaaaa

So fucking ecstatic right now, I love acid so much

And I have the money for it.

Only problem is, all my friends I used to blow with have moved, or quit, so now, I have no ride to pick up snow in springfield.

Fuck all you goody-two-shoe wearin’ ass Marshfield bitches.

Alll of you carry the ‘Don’t-give-a-fuck’ attitude, but cocaine is taboo? nahhhh, fuck you guys. If you care enough about yourself to say no to cocaine, then start acting like it, before I lace the next bowl of whatever new incense bullshit you’re smoking this week with some whitegirl.

Need to stoppp. I’m only confident when I’m high, but the only problem is, I’m overconfident and usually highly emotional. Lol.

It doesn’t help that I have my grandmothers funeral to go to and read at in only twelve hours.

I always feel so alone when people die in my family. And the more that do, the stronger the lonliness is. To all my followers who payattention to my blog and actually read my shit, I apologize about all the lame, self depriciating whiny ass posts that have become this blog. Nobody gets on tumblr to read other peoples problems.

I really need a friend who I can vent this stuff to, but I don’t have one. I have fucking tumblr. God I’m almost in tears now as I wrote that and realized it. Actually seeing those words written out tore me apart. I’m falling apart. I’m losing my sanity. I can’t take it anymore. I’m so fucking pathetic. I guess.. maybe I’m not so much pathetic as I am a pussy. Although I don’t know which is worse. I have so many things I need to get out I don’t know where to start. My grandmothers dying firstly, and I spent all day yesterday and all night last night by her side, watching her wither away. Fucking everyone in my family is dying. Its so awesome. God fucking fuck fuck fuck. I’m 16 years old and in the past 3 years 4 members of my family have died, including my grandmother. At this rate I won’t have any family at all left by the I’m 22. Sick.

Next, I’m a drug addict. A fiend. A junkie. A dope head. I can not be even remotely happy without some sort of substance fucking me up. In this past 7 days I’ve done 110mg of ritalin, 30mg of adderall, 40mg of hydrocodone, a joint of weed, 2mg of klonopin, 20mg of flexeril, 6mg of xanax, 2 bowls of artificial, 45 cartidges of nitrous plus 3 bottles of whipped cream, and 8mgs of dilaudid. I’m a fucking fiend.

Thirdly, I’m so so alone. I’m fucking so lonely. I mean I’m so lonely. Really. I need a girlfriend. Really really bad. :’(. I try so hard to be kind and considerate to everyone, but especially to girls who I think could possibly be interested in me. But nope. No response from any of them. Why? Why why why why?! I mean yeah I’m fat, but I wouldnt say I’m unatractive. I wouldn’t say I’m attractive either but I mean… I’m decent looking enough. And I would like to think that my personality would make up for atleast most of my short comings… I don’t know. I just want a semi attractive, semi intelligent, semi humorous, girl who I don’t have to change my life for.

GODDAMNITGODDAMNITGODDAMNITGODDAMNITGODDAMNIT!!

If I can’t find a girl with those qualities, I guess I’m either going to find a nasty slut who just likes to fuck all the time, or slit my fucking wrists. I hear everyone around me talk all the time about having sex or getting head or fingering girls they don’t even give a shit about and I feel so fucking juvenile and out of the loop and ostracized. I’ve never had sex. I’ve never gotten head. I’ve never fingered anyone. I’ve never even felt anyone up for christ sakes. I’ve made out with one girl in my entire life, and she was a nasty slut. I’ve got blue balls like no other, and I hate my self for it. Maybe i’d be more confident if I had a big dick. Welp, I guess I’m fucked in that aspect.

So to sum it all up, I’m an extremely depressed, drug addicted, socially retarded, virgin.

Somebody just give me a pity fuck.